McCain/Palin? Fudge/Umbridge!

Put a tea cozy on the hand of ruthlessness and you have.... Dolores Umbridge. Put a pair of glasses on the face of ambitious and willful ignorance, and you have.... Sarah Palin. Reverse those sentences. Not too bad a fit, is it? Consider wikipedia's description, edited by the author, of Dolores Umbridge:

"In her ambition for glory, she climbed her way to (Mayor) Professor, (Governor) High Inquisitor and Headmistress of Hogwarts. During the height of the (Iraq) Second Wizarding War, Umbridge ran the (Oil and Gas) Muggle-Born Registration Commission while (George Bush) Lord Voldemort was in control of the (Administration) Ministry, and sadistically prosecuted many innocent people."

McCain/Palin is to the US as Fudge/Umbridge was to London: a well-meaning but bumbling headliner and his simpering but very nasty lieutenant. Like their counterparts in the literary world, they don't agree on everything, and many reasonable, thoughtful people are fooled. Put a nice suit, or a bowler hat, on a friendly-looking grandpa, and most people are inclined to think well of him, especially if he's got a title, as does Senator McCain. I mean, Minister Fudge. Put a pair of corporate glasses on a calculating but ignorant politician, or a bow in her hair, and all of a sudden she gains legitimacy.

Gov. Sarah Palin's experience is not the problem. It's that her experience doesn't seem to have umbued her with any critical thinking skills. As my college thesis professor would say, just coming to class isn't enough. You've got to actually pay attention, and allow the experience to transform the way you think. (Even to the point of grasping contradictory and coexisting truths.) Instead, she's chosen shallow, oversimplified judgment on top of seething rage and shared pain. Dolores Umbridge has a similar problem. She's been in the Ministry for years, but still can't seem to see what's directly in front of her: enforcing, even brutally, all the rules you agree with and punishing those who don't agree with you doesn't solve most problems. It just cuts people out of the conversation and wastes a lot of talent and energy. Consider:

1) When Dolores Umbridge was made High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, her first act was to get teachers she found objectionable fired. Compare with Gov. Palin's tendency to see pink (slips) the minute she ran into an ideological divide with anyone over whom she had power.

2) When Dolores Umbridge came to power, she paid attention to the reason she was given it only as an accompaniment. Palin, as we saw in the Biden-Palin debate this week, is suffused with hyper-ambition, and a "hubristic self-confidence" that she is qualified to place judgment on many, many things about which she knows nothing. Neither of these two women ever considered that *understanding* a problem was key to solving it; they both simply attempted to steamroll their way through it -- and anyone who got in their way. Neither of them have a speck of humility, and it shows in their reckless, desperate relish to control any situation. "Collateral damage," is merely an acceptable risk; neither understands the difference between power and responsibility.

3) Dolores Umbridge "taught according to a politically-restricted curriculum" which entailed learning strictly the theory of (creationism) Defence Against the Dark Arts without any practical applications." Palin's position on evolution is vague but seems to be basically distrustful. Worse is Umbridge's attitude toward, oh, human rights. (Since she doesn't believe students require them.) Anyone recognize Palin's attitude toward suspected terrorists?

4) Palin and Umbridge share their greatest fault: neither of them know how to listen. Facts and evidence are totally insufficient to change their opinions. They are zealous and fierce enforcers, but we usually station those at the door, not in the big chairs.

The one way in which they seem to differ is that, on paper, most people had the sense to be cautious of Dolores Umbridge, willing to appease her but totally clear on this point: filled with ruthless ambition, her tea cozies and cutesy office fooled no one into thinking she cared about anyone besides herself. Unfortunately, many pundits say, either Americans aren't good at this whole off-paper business, or Palin is better at somehow projecting that she's sympathetic, because not everyone gets just how dangerous it is to put power in the hands of the -- not unqualified, not inexperienced -- but dangerously unwise. But there is more if you look.

Palin's power is that she taps into the rage and denial of many Americans' darker belief that somehow, someone else is to blame for our problems. Blasting someone else and laying blame feel good, and she validates our need to be Joe Six-Pack, everyday, unintellectual citizens. We can't be blamed for our ignorance, because, like Palin herself, her ignorance comes of her innocence, and we share it. If she is like us, and can get through this, then so can we. Her rage is understandable, even necessary: we're the victims here, and if we can see her be successful then it means we can be, too. And we don't even have to take a long look at ourselves in the process, because we're already like her.

In our pain and rage, however, we are missing something important. Recall how Umbridge was quick to rationalize her use of an Unforgiveable Curse on a student, demonstrating that she completely missed the concept of an Unforgiveable Curse. The curse is not unforgiveable because of its power to destroy the victim, but the power it carries to twist and deform the soul of the one who carries it out. If Palin actually takes office, I will be horrified to see what her Unforgiveable Curse will be.

In Voldemort's words, there is "no such thing" as right or wrong. There is "only power, and those too weak to seek it."

Not like Sarah Palin. No one could ever call her "too weak" to seek power.

Fudge/Umbridge '08!